


I Know

by orphan_account



Category: Siren (TV 2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Police Brutality, Warnings are there for..., and mentions of being strangled, blacklivesmatter, how do I even tag for this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Maddie hadn’t come looking for him before, probably because he was working, and he’s thankful for it now. Because the second she runs into his arms and cries, “What the /fuck/, Xander?” with tears in her voice and gleaming in her eyes, he’s a goner too.“I know, Mads, I know,” He says in what he hopes is a soothing tone, and then he’s crying too.---Or, the one where Xander and Maddie talk about police brutality and cry it out together, because what else can you do?
Relationships: Janine/Calvin Lee/Xander McClure, Maddie Bishop & Xander McClure, Maddie Bishop/Ryn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> What it says on the tin. As a black person, I'm so...so fearful. So sad and tired and drained and angry and fearful. And these incidents just keep right on happening.
> 
> I didn't feel like shouting my feelings into the void that is Twitter, so I wrote about it here instead. Names have been changed to respect the family's privacy.
> 
> Warning's there because it's a heavy topic and while I don't think my descriptions are particularly graphic, they might still be jarring and unsettling.

* * *

“…a black man died while in police custody earlier today,” A solemn news reporter from KGTV News says, his voice grave. “His name was Gregory Johnson. He was fifty-three years old, a family man, and a loving grandfather. More than any of those things, he was a person.”

Xander whips his head up from his closing-time duties at the bar and mutters, “Jesus, _again?_ ”

It feels never-ending sometimes, like there's an endless feedback loop that keeps circulating over and over again, where the names and faces change but the reasons don't. Because of course, the black person in question was being threatening, or acting suspicious, or had a past criminal record, or smoked weed on the weekends, _or, or, or_...there's always some shady past to dig into, a prior arrest from years earlier suddenly brought up, or some petty reason given to excuse the real crime of an innocent life being taken.

It’s scarcely been a month since the last fatal incident between a black man and the police. Where had the last one even been - Chicago, maybe? New York? There have been so many, they all run together sometimes. Xander knows that’s bad, knows it means he’s getting desensitized to police brutality. Honestly, though? He probably has, it's gotten so damn bad in the last few years. And how do you get used to something so awful? How the fuck do you get used to that kind of thing?

The news reporter continues, “…and Johnson was treated horrifically, inhumanely by those officers today. An ongoing investigation has already begun, and those in question have been fired in connection to his death. If you haven’t seen the video already, I advise you take a look. But it is graphic and may not be suitable for some viewers."

The local news plays the video some six agonizing seconds before Xander yells, “Shut it off, man!”

He doesn’t have to tell his boyfriend twice - he’s sure Calvin can see it in his face, can physically see that it’s making him frantic and ill and angry, horrified. He feels like he can’t breathe, like he’s the one on the ground, like he’s the one running out of air. His heart's in his throat and _he can't, he can't, he can't._

Calvin scrambles for the remote and turns the TV off. Xander huffs out a shaky breath and mutters that he’s going outside to get some air. Janine squeezes his shoulder on the way out and says to take all the time he needs.

* * *

After they’ve finished closing up for the night, he and Calvin are headed towards the car when Maddie catches up to him. Cal shoulders him into a quick hug and says he’ll be waiting in the car with Janine - he understands without words that they need a minute alone. Maddie hadn’t come looking for him before, probably because he was working, and he’s thankful for it now. Because the second she runs into his arms and cries, “What the _fuck_ , Xander?” with tears in her voice and gleaming in her eyes, he’s a goner too.

“I know, Mads, I know,” He says in what he hopes is a soothing tone, and then he’s crying too.

Because how the fuck can he try to soothe her fears when this just keeps happening? How is he supposed to keep her safe, hell, how is he supposed to even keep _himself_ safe, when nothing ever seems to change?

“It’s fucked, it’s all so fucked,” Xander whispers now. “He wasn’t doin’ nothin’ to nobody, and they just-” He shakes his head in quiet fury. “They shot him.”

Maddie buries her head in the crook of his neck and says through tears, “I know. Ryn asked if I wanted to talk about it, but…”

“But she’s a mermaid, so it’s different.” Xan finishes around a wry smile. “Jesus, that’s still weird.”

And Maddie laughs despite herself. “Yeah, it is kinda weird.” Then the smile’s gone and neither of them are laughing anymore, the light mood swept away like the tide along the dark shore.

“And Ben- I know he tries but he still doesn’t get it, not the way you do.”

Because Ben’s white. And they’re black. And _trying to understand_ the horror of police brutality isn’t the same as _actual, living with_ the police treating you like you’re a threat. Like you’re a criminal. Like you’re less than. Like you’re nothing. But Xander knows. And Maddie knows.

So they stand by the sea and hug each other a little longer, a little harder, neither saying another word. They don’t have to. Tomorrow, they’ll put on a brave face for the rest of the world. Tonight, they mourn and rage for an innocent man they never knew.

**Author's Note:**

> #BlackLivesMatter


End file.
